Introduction - My scared Master and silly people

Since we're all reading from the bible, I thought I would start with a biblical story:
 
THE PERILS OF PORTLAND
 
Over the last month and a half I've discovered somethings about my new home - it's a dump. The parks we go to to "walk" are fallow, full of trash, and english ivy is everywhere. So the other day we went to explore another dump. For whatever reason my Master thought it would be a good idea to slide down a wall of ivy into a flat, but fallow park. We walked as if we were in a Family Circus carton - this way and that way. If there was a patch of sticker bushes, my Master went through it.
 
We got to the end of the park. I drank water. We turned around and headed back. All of a sudden Master started to act wierd. He turned quickly and walked fast than I have ever seen him in the opposite direction. I kept up, as usual. After walking through the ivy for some time, we came to a path. Master stopped. He freaked out. All of a sudden he headed in another direction very quickly. I don't know why. There was only some guy thirty yards away, covering himself in a blanket like Obi-Wan Kenobi. Then I saw another happy dog that I could of played with. I've heard pitbulls are mean, but this one looked friendly.
 
Anyways, my Master said if we ever go back there, we're packing heat - whatever that is.
 
Later that day, we went for another walk around the block with my older sister, Gracie. We came across a nice couple, who gave me lots of pets. (People always give me pets.) So my Master talked to them a bit. Somehow he mentioned that he had plans for me. They asked what kind of plans - show dog. He said, "No, she's a working dog." These people were so silly, they had no idea what kind of work I will do. So they asked, "What kind of work will she do?" He said, "Retrieve birds." They looked so sad. The lady looked me straight in the face and asked, "What if Remi is a vegetarian?"
 
I laughed.
 
Looking forward to learning and enjoying this experience with all. Jeremy, Matt has only said good things about Pink. I wish I could say the same for Remi (Purple). Little monster that one.
 
Dan - train this weekend? I'll get birds.
 
Remi out.